So. This is the New Year.

I'm a bit of an organizational nazi at the moment. I mean, I always am really, but its been kicked into over drive. I think for several reasons.

1. Its the New Year. We get so much pressure to start fresh in the New Year and I tend to subscribe to that pressure. Also being a tad on the OCD side I can't start any new plans for myself without it being at the beginning of something, January, the 1st of the month, Monday. I've tried to break out of this but I tend to not follow through if I do. For instance. I bought The Happiness Project in about February last year. Gretchen Rubin even says in the book, jump in wherever you are. So I thought, March. I'll jump on in. The first month is about energy and I was on tour so schedules and exercise were hopeless. I gave up and couldn't bear to try again until the New Year.
2. The Happiness Project and Flylady. Both projects seem like a good place to start a new year. I have been on and off the Flylady system for years. I usually give up because who ever I am living around makes fun of me enough that I lose all motivation. Rob is giving me his honest effort to be supportive. I told him he doesn't have to personally subscribe to the program but at least help me get the dishes done at the end of the night so I can shine the sink. You wouldn't believe how much this woman is right about that shiny sink. Check out the Beginner Baby Steps here. My favorite part of the program is that it is one day at a time. I have never made it through all 31 (although some of the early habits are things that I keep with me even when I'm not totally on the program), but this is gonna be my year. Two nights ago when we started putting out our hotspots, Rob actually set the new kitchen timer and raced me to our respective hotspots. Pretty cute.
3. Rob. Rob has never lived with anyone before. Yes, his parents and he grew up with a brother and he and Greg lived together off and on for a few months at a time on a couple of 4 month work terms, but for the most part Rob has occupied every space he's ever lived in entirely. And that has included owning two houses. It has been an effort to elbow myself some room (in a very spacious house). Its been a point of contention in our relationship, which is not surprising after a year on Skype. But we are working on it. And baby step organizational routines make me feel less panicked and him less pressured. We can work on things 2 minutes at a time if we have to, which will make the days that we work all afternoon on something feel less oppressive.  I hope.
4. SKAM. I have just walked into an office that has been without an administrative assistant for almost a year. In that time they have moved offices and Matthew who was left to run the company by himself, became a dad for the first time. Some parts of the company function marvellously because they have long standing systems in place, or because we have a great enthusiastic Board of 10 diversely wonderful people. Other things have been totally let go. The weeks leading up to Christmas I found that I could not handle leaving one chaos and coming home to another. My anxiety was seriously through the roof. On New Year's Day when we were supposed to be getting ready to have 19 of Rob's family members over for dinner, I exploded, went on strike and laid in bed and cried until my mom came over and bailed Rob out.
   We made it through dinner. But I knew things had to change and I needed to get myself under control.

So with these systems in place, I feel armed for both a new year and what is essentially the beginning of a brand new life out here. I have very quickly gone from never knowing where the next contract would be, spending a huge amount of time living out of my suitcase and being in love with a man that I saw every night over a video screen ... to living in our big beautiful house together, knowing (mostly) not only where I will be every night, but also where I will be every day. Permanently. My new job (in case this hasn't been public enough) has me in training to very soon (like, by this summer) be the Operational Manager and eventually I will be the General Manager of Theatre SKAM. I will be helping to run a whole theatre company, not just our home! Yikes.

So. We are on day 8 of FlyLady. This is a good start. Today I was able to come home, do my 8 new tasks and start reading a new book, instead of fretting over all of the things that aren't done. 

I'll keep you posted. Do any of you have tips with how you deal with feeling out of control? 

“You are a fortunate person, indeed, if you can begin each day accepting the fact that during that day there will be ups and downs, good breaks and bad ones, disappointments, surprises, unexpected turns of events.”

— Roy Benjamin

A Leap of Faith

It's an interesting place to come from, having spent years carving out a little place for myself in the Saskatoon Theatre scene... and being so young and impressionable at the start of it. The people I remember being awestruck with in the first few years of University have strangely become my colleagues, the boys that I had star struck crushes on becoming friends and protectors and some... sadly learnt, not worth all the time it took to moon over them. While these people became my theatre family and my wonderful protective little circle, I never went too far away from being aware of who they are and how far I'd come to be their equals. Sometimes I have been reminded of this not so nicely, while being treated like a child in Production meetings and other times I am reminded of it in the best possible ways always remaining grateful to these people for the path they have carved out for me in my career. (thank you so much Alan Long and Will Brooks, just to name a small few of the wonderful people I have met along this path).

And then I picked up and left it, and too be honest lived in both fear and anticipation of being totally unknown to a whole new world of theatre makers. But before I did that completely, I came for a visit. And one day in preparation for my move here I buckled down and called every Theatre Company I could find a number for, and one morning I phoned the right company and met Matthew Payne.

Matthew Payne has ushered me into the world of theatre makers here faster than I have even been able to digest.

Because as it happens, if there are people like Will Brooks and Alan Long in Saskatoon, it stands to reason that those types of people must exist elsewhere too. And Matthew Payne exists here. And if Matthew Payne exists here, he probably works with other people that think like him and act like him and believe in things like him.

And one day roughly a year ago right now, I met Matthew Payne for coffee and what seemed like a teeney snowball started rolling, creating the giant snowball I am in now living inside of. :)

Now I go to work every day with this man who wanted so badly to make sure I had a place in this community and he has given me so much more than I could have imagined. I've spent a lot of time the past 6 weeks feeling overwhelmed. Waiting to be treated like the little kid I was in Saskatoon. Slowly realizing, I've never been that little kid here and people are looking at me as an adult. An adult with a good resume that Matthew Payne trusts to one day help run his company. And as I realize a little more every day how far and wide SKAM is actually recognized... this fills me with an amazing sense of pride.

So tonight as our annual fundraiser party planners arrived to meet at one of our Board members house and Adrienne gave me a hug and everyone waved at me and we chattered into David's house... I am so thankful for another person carving out a path for me and giving me what I was most desperate for... a West Coast Theatre Family to call my own.

I can't wait to tell you all about the Birthday Bash next weekend.... Now for the final push this week to get there.

Meanwhile, if you have a few extra minutes, take a listen to my lovely new boss on the radio.

CFAX 1070 - January 6, 2013 1pm - Victoria's News Authority
(fast forward to 5:30 so you don't have to listen to the news ;)...)

A New Year

I'm Back!

No. Really. Its a new year, and I'm promising to myself to be better at this ... stuff. Comunicating, taking time for myself, keeping and making connections. I say this every year, but this year feels different. For the first time in a very long time I have a sense of permanance. The idea that I have taken on a permanent role within a Theatre company is starting to be a lot less startling and (just as soon as this giant annual fundraiser is out of the way) instead something to centre myself on. Yes, life will still often be hectic. Yes, there will be nights and maybe weeks away from home. Yes, there will be weeks with no time off and little sleep and no chance to finish anything ever... But in the center of it all I will have my littl desk in my little office that will all slowly become my favorite space in the world. A place 10 blocks from home that I can pop home from lunch from time to time, and pop by the grocery store on my way home and lock up abd wave to Pat in the Kaleidescope off\ice on my way out, if he doesn't beat me out of there. A routine maybe.

And maybe now that I have mostly been in this other space, my new home, I will feel less like assering my place here. Less like we need to mark all of our 1sts. Not that 1sts aren't wonderful but I'm just ready to move into our life together. The remember when life. The 2nds to me always seem bigger thean the 1sts. That's when they go from being new and unknown to comfortable and real.
So here, is to a new year. More blogging more pictures (a #365days project in fact. I promise I will share it with you) and more tweeting are my goals... But even more so, so much more learning and loving and being.

Here is to a second birthday cake... carrot like last year, because now its his favorite. ;)